SportingScene

Guys of the Gridiron and the Girdle Hurdle
WRI columnist Na'Nela Daelund

Football teams across Wysteria have been rustling up their rosters for a showdown in Iyari in Wysteria Bowl II. Last year's champions the Syrion Symurghs from Augustalia will, doubtless, be a tough act to follow. While several teams have retained their players over the off-season, there are many new faces on the scene which, as history tells us time and again, will offer challenge to even the most established teams in the region.

Only slightly more heated than the rough and tumble contest itself is the claim to the term "Football." Whether your football of choice is round like a ball, or shaped like, well, something else, both sides lay claim to the word "Football" with equal vigor. May the most vicious fans win!

If you prefer your brutality of a different fashion…have a go at Drag-racing in GayMan's Land.

I must admit a bit of sympathy for these athletes. Smashing your spine into the offensive line is one thing fellas, but running in heels? These fleet of feet are just one bunion away from being doomed to orthopedic granny shoes for life. Now where's the fashion sense in that? Perhaps it's not my place to say, but might I suggest a darling little Pucci ballet flat or even a jeweled thong (tut, tut, the sandal type!) as alternative racing footwear that says "Sassy, yet sensible." This writer knows all too well the need to seize any vertical advantage she can, but draws the line at torturing the tootsies that have carried her these many years.

While more radical types are waving placards for equal rights, and exposing sentient rights abuses through use of torture devices as entertainment, we'll simply put out a call to the Queen to command "Fairness to Feet." Viva Zapatos!




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